Ugh.

Sometimes .. I'm just so tired of it all. Everything. I just want to stop. I hate being mad. I hate getting upset. And most of all, I hate being disappointed.

Rantrantrantnnatn

I have not forgotten about you my fellow followers! I'm still trying to stick to my word and blog more often .. at least more than last year combined.

I do have something that I need to rant about though .. and that is on "letters." For those of you who are in sororities/fraternities, you would know what that is. Nothing wrong with them .. just .. personally .. I could never understand how people can justify spending $100+ on letters.

Now ... people may argue that there is some sentimental value in it, or maybe pride in the organization that they are in .. but really now?! $100+ for letters for yourself!??! For you to customize it so that it has a couple extra words on it and maybe get a more unique sweater than the standard .. ? Or so you can have a cooler customized sweater than other people and match with someone else?! ... REALLY NOW!?!? REALLY NOW!??!?!

How can you spend so much on something that's probably going to be apart of for your college days and that you're probably hardly even evar going to wear again in the future?! Or let alone spend so much on something that doesn't even really have the durability to last you more than a couple years. At least buy something that is of quality for your $100+ ! Or at least noteworthy designer??? But $100+ for a "at best" American Apparel hoodie with some extra embroidery and stitching and some patches of letters ... NO. NOT WORTH IT.

You guys are probably wondering - why the hell is she so angry over this, but someone dear to me asked for my opinion on his purchase, and seriously .. I could not justify it at all for him to be spending that much. But my reasoning was apparently not valid enough to stop him from his purchase... so minus $100+ he goes. In his defense, he said that I, myself spend a lot of money on handbags .. but really now?! I feel that at least my handbags are worth the money that I invest in it, they don't really depreciate in price, rather they increase in price every year. + my handbags can last me days and years to come .. and I even plan on giving them to my daughter when I have one too, haha (like my mother does for me). c: They may be expensive, but they have great durability, quality of the leathers that they use, and designs that are unique enough to be noteworthy and of safekeeping.

To say the least, it's just a rant. I mean, he can do whatever he wants with his money, but personally, I would never be able to justify spending that much on letters. Some other people may differ, but yeah .. not my swag .. not my steez .. not my thang, haha. Just tryin' to save him from spending what I think is a waste-of-money, haha. Ahh well, what's done is done, but srsly, #THROATCHOP #THROATCHOP #THROATCHOP .

( ^ LOL, if your read this, look at what you have done to me with all your #THROATCHOPs Peanut Butter.)

If you really miss me, you come & see me.

I was going through tumblr and happened to just stumbled upon this really interesting passage by Ashton Kutcher (haha) that I would like to share. It forever irks me how much we've evolved from face-to-face interactions to hiding behind that screen of ours.. :c

"

I was shooting a scene in my new film, No Strings Attached, in which I say to Natalie Portman,

“If you miss me, you can’t text, you can’t email, you can’t post it on my Facebook wall. If you really miss me, you come and see me.”

I began to think of all of the billions of intimate exchanges sent daily via fingers and screens, bouncing between satellites and servers. With all this texting, emailing, and social networking, I started wondering, are we all becoming so in touch with one another that we are in danger of losing touch?

It used to be that boy met girl and they exchanged phone numbers. Anticipation built. They imagined the entire relationship before a call ever happened. The phone rang. Hearts pounded. “Hello?” Followed by a conversation that lasted two hours but felt like two minutes and would be examined with friends for two weeks. If all went well, a date was arranged. That was then.

Now we exchange numbers but text instead of calling because it mitigates the risks of early failure and eliminates those deafening moments of silence. Now anticipation builds. Bdoop. “It was NICE meeting u” Both sides overanalyze every word. We talk to a friend, an impromptu Cyrano: “He wrote nice in all caps. What does that mean? What do I write back?” Then we write a response and delete it 10 times before sending a message that will appear 2 care, but not 2 much. If all goes well, a date will be arranged.

Whether you like it or not, the digital age has produced a new format for modern romance, and natural selection may be favoring the quick-thumbed quip peddler over the confident, ice-breaking alpha male. Or maybe we are hiding behind the cloak of digital text and spell-check to present superior versions of ourselves while using these less intimate forms of communication to accelerate the courting process. So what’s it really good for?

There is some argument about who actually invented text messaging, but I think it’s safe to say it was a man. Multiple studies have shown that the average man uses about half as many words per day as women, thus text messaging. It eliminates hellos and goodbyes and cuts right to the chase. Now, if that’s not male behavior, I don’t know what is. It’s also great for passing notes. there is something fun about sharing secrets with your date while in the company of others. think of texting as a modern whisper in your lover’s car.

Sending sweet nothings on Twitter or Facebook is also fun. in some ways, it’s no different than sending flowers to the office: You are declaring your love for everyone to see. Who doesn’t like to be publicly adored. Just remember that what you post is out there and there’s some stuff you can’t un-see.

But the reality is that we communicate with every part of our being, and there are times when we must use it all. When someone needs us, he or she needs all of us. There’s no text that can replace a loving touch when someone we love is hurting.

We haven’t lost romance in the digital age, but we may be neglecting it. In doing so, antiquated art forms are taking on new importance. The power of a hand-written letter is greater than ever. It’s personal and deliberate means more than an email or text ever will. It has a unique scent. It requires deciphering. But, most important, it’s flawed There are errors in handwriting, punctuation, grammar, and spelling that show our vulnerability. And vulnerability is the essence of romance. It’s the art of being uncalculated, the willingness to look foolish, the courage to say, “This is me, and I’m interested in you enough to show you my flaws with the hope that you may embrace me for all that I am but, more importantly, all that I am not.”

- Ashton Kutcher

"

KIMCHEE RICE X THOUGHTS

2nd attempt on kimchee fried rice! Came out a bit more ..damp? than the first batch but still nomsy! Left over Costco chicken was a lot better than last time's left over KFC chicken. Hahaha. Had a bit more flavor & less dry! Soooo satisfying! I was craving it all day, hahha.

Kimchee fried rice with eggs and shredded chicken!

So just today, I saw some things that made me rethink what I'm currently in. I'm gonna be a bit ambiguous about this, but .. that's just to help remain the anonymity of the person or persons that I'm going to talk about... though as private as I may want it .. it's still public so I guess you'd be able to figure out if you knew the situation. But while driving home .. I thought ... is it too much to ask .. if I wanted some of the things that any other girl would want? Not even like big expensive gifts, but just the small little things like flowers or cute handwritten notes, or just little surprises ... would keep me smiling for hours. I don't consider myself needy but when I see other girls receive the same affection that I think I too am deserving of .. sometimes I think .. what if I were that other person that went away? Would you have done something different if I were that person? Maybe it's the situation that you're in, that keeps you from doing all these things that you may want to do but can't do; I don't know. Perhaps there may be an alternative .. but I see of none at the moment. Giving more than what I receive is what I always do, and maybe I do it a little too much... but that just may be, because that's the way I am ... or maybe I'm just being too nice may be it. I dunno what to think sometimes.

Am I greedy for wanting more? ... I don't think so... haha, maybe I've watched so many of those asian dramas that my thoughts on how relationships should be is so skewed that my real life world collides with those of the utopian-most-likely-happy-ending-drama-like-worlds.

Half a year draws near, I am hopeful. I'm really not extravagant as you make me seem .. cause deep inside, I'm really just a plain jane hopin' for those little surprises that make every moment so much more sentimentally heart-warming.

You can't control what you don't measure.

I am so mad right now, I am almost beyond words. My tears won't stop rolling and my body won't stop shaking. And if you think it's just for that one person that I particularly care about, it's not. It's for all four today.

What went on during that lapse of two and a half hour...did anyone even listen to our speaker? Did anyone even hear what he said? How can you measure professionalism? How can you measure it quantitatively? How can you measure brotherhood?

So when it came down to it, what happened to all the quantitative things that can be judged objectively? Why do I feel as if people blindly judge on subjective qualities? If every single one of them has met their objectives and their requirements, why are there still so many votes? Are we judging them objectively based on what they have done or are we letting how we feel towards them cloud our judgment?

Yes, I understand that there has been some integrity issues, but he addressed him didn't he? People make mistakes .. people lie .. people do things they regret, but he admitted to them and he's trying to improve as a person. We're here to help develop and shape these people, but the process is only so long to see improvement. You have to compare them to themselves and the things they have done in the amount of time given. Is there no credibility for that at all?

And what about the letter? Have you guys even read it?! For a group of people to write something so in depth and something so genuinely from the heart ... for someone that they barely met and got to know within a span of what? 5 weeks? Doesn't that show something? They genuinely care and like this person ... they see him as something some of us obviously don't. So what if he's not a good president? It doesn't mean that he's a bad pledge. You can't compare him to past presidents; everyone works and runs things differently. You have to compare him to himself... and that is something that I keep trying to emphasize. You have to compare people to themselves and see the gradual improvement that these people have been showing.

I almost feel as if everyone is blindly voting. If I were to ask every person who voted "No", would every single one of you have a concrete answer to back up your reasoning for why you don't believe these people should continue? For all of those who were undecided, have you thought with reasoning before voting? If you voted "No" while undecided, wouldn't it have been better if you had said "Yes" and actually gave these people a chance if they haven't proved what you were seeking already?

"Can you see this person in our chapter?" I can understand how some people may see this as a question about whether or not they are someone we can work with .. but have we tried? Have we given them the chance to work with us? To me, this question is almost asking us whether or not we like you. And then that brings to my question are we judging him based on whether or not we like him or are we judging him on what he has done substantially? Objectively? Collectively?!

And onto the whole grades issues. So since when did we focus so much on grades? There are people who pledged with a 2.1 and they've definitely picked up their grades. It wasn't an issue then, why now? And it's almost hypocritical for those people who emphasize grades so much when I can almost say that 75%+ of the chapter have less than 2.5 (from what I've seen in all the transcripts from last semester). Yes, I understand that school is definitely important, but to have this so heavily impacted on a person .. I don't know about that.

What about the other one? The one who has done so much... and I don't even know how she got so many votes out. ...REALLY? What has she done that has provoked so many votes? She has done nothing but positive things.

It almost then becomes like a popularity contest with power-hungry people voting... and that is what makes me angriest. I urge all of you who have a say in these people's process to think twice about voting. EDUCATE yourself and TRY TO UNDERSTAND the person before making your decision. WHAT IF YOU WERE IN THEIR SHOES? Have you even tried thinking outside from what you see in front of you?!